Reflection

It feels like its been more then a week that has past since I last blogged.

We've had good days and bad.

Hopeful moments and disheartening ones.

Overall though I feel a peace settling over our home. A still Spirit that reaches down to the depths of my being.

We're going to be okay.

I'm not sure exactly what caused this last slump, but I see glimmers of the old JR every now and then, and I see hope of an even better one then I knew before. I can see the triggers along the way, but I can't say I understand it all. I can't control his choices, but I can control mine. If its my choice I'll be gracious and kind, loving when its hard, and patient when I'm weary.

If all else fails, I'm just trying to count to 3 before I say anything in my "outloud voice." I'm not the most patient person by nature.

Most days I question if I'm really cut out for this job. If I've really got what it takes to be a cop's wife.

If I've really got what it takes to be the wife John Rambo needs.

But I'm not about to let go without a fight.

Thank you all so much for your comments, prayer and support. It has made a huge difference for me to be able to start acknowledging the things I'm seeing right now and start processing them for myself so that I can learn how to walk beside my husband through this dark night.

There is a River

There is a River full of Life

Flowing through this dark night

Step in, My child

And feel My might

Oh let Me carry

You into the Light

There is an Ocean full of Love

Heaven filled for all to come

Stand on the shore

And dip your cup

Oh let Me fill

Fill you up

There's nothing less

No nothing more

That you could ever want for

So take a step

Reach out your hand

And let Me carry you

To the promised land

There is a River

An Ocean full

So you can Live

Live forevermore

Music and Lyrics original to Mrs. Rambo, circa September 2005, the year prior to meeting JR. One or two of them may be off from the original as I was going from memory...