Rest

I did something absurd this week.

Well absurd to me.

Most weeks start off with a completely empty calendar and by the end of it...........BAM! Every nook and cranny has been filled with life. Most of my time is spent focused on others.

We moved to a much larger centre. A town of 3500 people to a city of 179,000+ people. Now let me tell you this - if you are a person who feels called to put other people's needs before your own on a habitual basis...like your day hasn't met its intended purpose if you haven't done something extravagant for someone else and put everyone's needs ahead of even your basic needs...well being in a city has just skyrocketed the need to take care of other's in my soul by a factor of 51:1. So for every one need I saw in our last town there are 51 needs here in this city!

When we moved the plan was for me to take a bit of time to cocoon. We've been in our new house now for almost two months and there is a rare a day that goes by where we don't either have someone else in it or some other way we have been giving to people...be it with our time, love, gifts, financially or practical help. I've watched children, held dinner parties, hosted many families, brought meals to friends who are ill or in need, plus worked on maintaining long distance friendships from people who are dear to me at our last post. Oh yah, we've also hosted over night company, painted bedrooms, sorted boxes, set up the house, had some holiday etc. (And that is an entirely incomprehensive list because listing everything we have done would be boasting. :P)

Like where did this ferocious pace come from?

Oh and we also have three kids and now we have moved closer to family and our lives are filled with family obligations as well. Which, don't get me wrong, I think family is REALLY important. We do our best to cultivate a good relationship with JR's family but there are a lot of ups and downs and some dark valleys we've walked through already since our move a short time ago. I've only known them all for about 8 years. And in those 8 years JR and I got married, moved twice, had three babies, nearly divorced and God brought us back from the brink. From death to life. So it isn't like I've had time to really get to know them. So for now family tends to be on the ministry list as well. (not project people, just people I make a choice to love.)

I know the ferocious pace comes from a sense of urgency to spread the love of Christ. I don't believe that life is about me. Not one iota. Any time I feel a sense of self coming into play I stamp it down, tell myself not to be selfish and keep going.

Then I start to wonder. Am I being selfless or self-righteous?

What is my motivation for meeting other people's needs. I want to believe with all my heart that I do it for Jesus. That I want them to see Him and His love through myself and my family. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not trying to one up him a bit though. Can I get an Amen? ha. That I might nearly be God in the way I sacrifice who I am to be more like Him.

However the flip side is that God created me to be who I am. He loves me just the way I am. He knows I have needs and desires of my heart. He knows that I battle a lie every day that I am doing things for the attention of other's. That lie pushes me to do more and be more to more people so that I am less.

However I have value. He created me with worth. So it is okay that I am worth noticing. (Oh that was hard to write.)

So the absurd thing I did this week was that I rested. As much as one can rest while their spouse is away and

 I took a break. I haven't done something for anyone tangible since Tuesday. And man, it is Thursday and I'm itching to go to the store and by my friend a new bath puff since hers fell apart in the shower and she's just going through a valley in life's journey right now...and well that damn bath puff. Like really? Couldn't you have held it together for a few more weeks? Let the girl take a shower!

The list of what I want to do for people is growing. The tangible things I can do for people to show them love is overwhelming me.

But is this what God wants to do for people?

Is this what God wants ME to do for people?

Right now the voice of the needs is overwhelming me and it needs to be the opposite.

The voice of God needs to be overwhelming as I listen to Him direct me to the needs he has appointed me to fill.

James 1:5 "If any of you need wisdom ask God for it."

Easy does it.

The answer is always so simple.