The view from here

I stood on her deck and under the cover of darkness my tears began to fall. She's one of my closest friends. So close I call her sister.

I missed this place.

This place is home. More home then I've ever felt before.

Moving as a LEO family is something I've always chosen to embrace. Make the most of it. Wishing you were someplace else breeds discontentment and misery. I've watched more then one police wife tear their family apart and make homelife unbearable by wishing they were anywhere but where they were.

I chose this life. I chose to make the most of it no matter what. I chose to be the consistency in an inconsistent world. I chose my life as a police wife.

That moment. Standing in the shadows. I did something that I don't do often. I cried. Okay, I cry more often then I want to admit but this time they were tears of homesickness, an emotion I choose not to feel.

I miss my 'sister'.

I miss my spiritual 'parents'. We are close enough that our girls call them Poppa and Gramma.

I miss that place.

Once the words started to come they continued.

I miss my family. Homesick is not even the word to describe what I would feel if I let myself truly feel what four years of living away from my nuclear and extended family does to my heart. Heartsick might be closer.

This posting is hard in ways I never expected.

Shift work is hard.

I don't think people understand.

This life is hard.

Its been a long year.

I wiped the tears from my chin and hugged her goodbye for the night. I knew we had plans for the lake in the morning. A place my heart always finds solace. I knew that by the light of day I would be fine.

I knew I'd choose this life over any other.


That moment though on that deck with that friend gave me a moment of vulnerability that had been months in the making. A precious moment shared with a precious friend.

She knew me.

She knew I'd be fine in the morning.