but we do feel forgotten.
When you move a lot being alone for holidays, birthdays, special events and more becomes normal. We learned early on that if we didn't want to feel lonely the best thing to do was be the ones that are inviting people. We've made lots of memories with people we aren't related to but have become like family.
Though this last move brought us closer in distance to our family it actually feels like we are further away. Travelling with no children or just one baby was a piece of cake. Travelling with two is a different story. Though I've conquered many thousands of miles on my own to make it to see family it is tiring and takes a lot of planning and work. We are close enough to JR's family that we could justify a trip to visit for a weekend, but far enough away that it is costly. By the time we've paid for our gas, hotel, meals and any activities we do while we are in the city its a $500++ trip. Though my family is about 5 hours closer then we were before it is still a good full day of driving. Neither of our families comes to visit very often. We aren't upset about this at all and have a good phone relationship with both sides. Cards, email, presents in the mail, video clips for the grandparents and Skype all help to keep us connected.
Personally I've always tried not to focus on the fact that I'm not with family. I know what they are doing at Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. I have the memories stored in my heart. It doesn't help to dwell on it because it doesn't change the situation. What fun is it to be here if I'm always miserable.
We are making our own memories and traditions and building a family and support network here as best we can.
As my health has declined we've been doing less hosting.
Easter was very lonely this year.
It is starting to feel a bit like if we aren't the ones doing the inviting we would be all by ourselves. Our police family assumes we are with our church friens. Our church friends assume we are with a family since it doesn't take a plane ride to get to them. No one assumes we might just be at home feeling lonely.
Now you all can assume that I'll stop my pity party because I will. The more I think about it the worse I feel. Since I can choose to change the way that I think, I will. It just helps to acknowledge that we do have feelings and needs. It is okay to feel lonely but it isn't okay to dwell on it and make ourselves miserable because of it.
So we will keep inviting. We will keep practicing hospitatlity. We will keep claiming that we are not Foresaken even if we feel forgotten.
Sorry to hear it. It was sounding like you'd come to a great way of realizing that family is with you always, even when they're distant. But then the loneliness crept in :(
ReplyDeleteKeep inviting and put the word out that you're always open to invites.
That's exactly it Meadowlark. I try to keep a really good perspective and not give it too much thought. However sometimes my brain gets away on me.
ReplyDeleteI have a better mindset about it now already. I even plan on stocking up on a bunch of stuff for BBQ season that is on sale at our local store so that we can have hotdogs and hamburgers on hand to just grab at a moments notice. :) I want our home to be a gathering place where people don't feel lonely but feel loved, appreciated and accepted for who they are. :) Food is always a good place to start!
You are not alone in your aloneness. My hubby wasn't even home for Easter Sunday!! And I am impressed with anyone who opens their home and has people over... I'm too chicken to do that, even though I dream of the day I'll be brave enough. So until the day I muster the courage to be a host, if you invite us, we'll come. Hee hee! I'll even bring the food, if you like. :)
ReplyDeleteWe have the same problem. HF's family is on the east coast, mine is scattered all over, but no one is near us. For many years I felt homesick so badly! I thought it would kill me to never be around family and we don't do a lot of traveling ourselves. It's taken almost a decade, but we have made our friends and neighbors our family so to speak, which was hard, because it's easier to rely on family to help you out with the kids or whatever than it is friends, but it's a lot better now. Still, on easter, or mother's day, seeing everyone gather with their family made me feel so incredibly lonely and homesick! But yeah, I feel like we have to be the life of the party and put ourselves out there more since everyone else has their family and set ways. Anyway, I am also finding that more people feel how you do than they let on.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support. It is amazing how when we open and start talking about what we really think and feel how it opens the door to allowing others to feel 'safe' or to acknowledge what is going on in their lives. I appreciate your candor here and hope and pray that the God of peace and love will strike out all loneliness in our lives. He isn't a lonely God. He is a present one. Its amazing how he tangibly provides for us. We've received invitations out, been prayed for and feel His hand close on us right now. Its amazing how when we acknowledge things and try to work through them instead of hide them or push them down that it allows the Lord to heal those places as we expose them or allow him to expose them. Sorry run on sentence city over here. :) I just really wanted to say that I so appreciated the posts!!
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