A Penny...

Why is it that we inevitably do the very thing that we hate?

Or is it just me?

Hello. My name is Mrs. Rambo and I am a self-sabatoger. Allow me to slip into some introspection...navel gazing in other words. It may get a little 'Christianese' but humour me. I often process through writing it out and talking around to a conclusion.

Here are my thoughts and I'll even give them to you for free.

A caring friend of mine passed along a book to me called "Stop Self-Sabatoge! How to get out of your own way and have an Extraordinary Life" by Pat Pearson. Not one for self-help books, I decided to actually give this one a shot. Maybe I'd get something out of it. I got more then I bargained for. Pat works on the basis of a few different idealogies but the one that stuck out to me the most was on

Deserve Level
" Your Deserve Level is comprised of your conscious and unconscious beliefs about what you can and are supposed to achieve in your life. I am using the word "level" in its metaphoric ther then literal sense. Just as your Intelligence Quotient is an indicator of your level of intelligence, your Deserve Level Quotient is a gauge of the degree to which you believe you deserve what you want in various areas of life. These Deserve Levels are self-chosen and can be changed."

What you believe determines how you behave.

Do I really deserve a
-good marriage
-to be healthy and feel good about myself
-enjoy life
-be successful with my business

Why do I get close to a major milestone in my weightloss journey and then foil my plans with my actions? Why do I not work my business or put things off when I now a few calculated hours a week would help me acheive all of my goals and more? Why do I....and the list goes on.

Somehow deep down inside I believed that life would always be hard, nothing would ever get easier, that I might see success, but probably not and that the success I did see, I really didn't deserve or could have done better. I thought that I was rather godly in my "self-sacrificing" view of life - Always putting other people first and that I would be selfish to look after my own needs. I'm starting to see that I am way off base with that thinking.

There is nothing in the Bible that says that I shouldn't be an attractive person with a wonderful personality that draws people closer to the Lord. That in honouring my body, the one that He gave me, in how I dress, eat, workout etc, is honouring to Him as well. Self-discipline/self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. I also have yet to find anything that says I can't be successful or that it would be ungodly to focus on being successful in all areas of my life especially if it is leading towards a healthier person and impacting others for Christ. (*note, I'm not talking necessarily about success as in scads of money, looking like Heidi Klum - though I'd take that ;), and living a cozy life. I'm talking about developing the character that Christ specifically wants me to have and then honouring Him in every facet of my life by living true to the calling He has given me.)

How could I be so fundamentally wrong in what I believed was a lifestyle honouring to the Lord?

"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it" James 4:17 (New Living Translation)

WOAH!

So then if I'm not doing what I think I should do I am going against the very Christ-like nature that my heart longs for. Further to that; is what I think I should do what God thinks I should do? Are my priorities God's priorities? Are the things that I am preoccupied with really where he wants me to put my time and energy? Does it really matter to Him if I weigh 173lbs instead of 163 lbs? Probably not. However I would argue that He cares a great deal about who I am at any weight. So if I'm sabatoging my weightloss progress by not having self-control and discipline evident in my life then those fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control) will not be evident. I want those. That has to be my focus. So then if I'm choosing to let God grow my level of self-control (notice how I said self-control and not self-denial as I would have previously thought I was quite good at and rather self-reightous at that) one result could be success in a number of areas of my personal life.

Well, its a good thing that I'm saved by grace because I sure have discovered that I'm not as reightous as I thought I was.

...your thoughts?